i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
