Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do vagina's smell?
my being single is dangerous.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
