Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We got so high we made milksteak
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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