Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
