I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
