I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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