blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize