no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
