Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
