he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
