I heard we made out
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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