And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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