You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
