I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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