Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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