Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
