Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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