Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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