Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
