He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
