u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wannas sexs uuuuu
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
