my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
