I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
