if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
