I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
