4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
