At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
