Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
