i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I party with great urgency now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
