They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
