the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
