so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
