I just saw a hot homeless man
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
