guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
