I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
