moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
