i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
