If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
