just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
