I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
