i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
