My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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