We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
