Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
