Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
