Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
