i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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