he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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