I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she looked like the before picture.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
