Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
