I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
