Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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