Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
