When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
