We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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