its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
