Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
