If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
