its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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