I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
