i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
