WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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