I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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