I cockslap morals
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
