so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
