ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
