you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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