I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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